The Adventures of a Fantasy dad pt.1

I was awakened from the slumber by a shriek that froze my heart. What sort of demon was awoken in the dark night? I jumped up and saw that my son was cursed by an evil spell spawned by some dark invisible enemy. The poor boy was possessed by this great hunger that only a sacred goblet can fulfill.
I arose from the bed, for I knew that this was a job for a hero, ney a father. I knew the journey ahead to find the sacred goblet will be filled with peril, for many dangers are hidden in the darkness. I had to cross the sea of dangerous traps scattered on the ground, invisible in the pitch black. Still, after a long journey and many battles, I managed to find my way out of the lands called the Bedroom. Wounded and tired I was stopped by a giant beast called Appa (yep, we named our dog after the flying bison from Avatar: the Last Airbender). I prepared for yet another battle, fearing that I have no strength left in my muscles, and the beast jumped on me. I cursed my faith and bravely prepared for death, but it was not to be. The beast was friendly, and it healed my wounds with its tongue and gave me the strength to carry on on this dangerous quest.

For days I have been walking through the deserts of the drylands of Livingroom, and when I almost died of thirst, I came across an oasis. There were an elixir of life I knew would save me from the murdering thirst. But it was guarded by a giant monster the sand people named coffeeetablé. It struck at my feet, almost crippling me but with my last strength I slew the beast and drank the elixir, cursing my bad luck.
There I was, staring at the goblet in the distance. But as I came towards it, there was a parchment with instructions that said I need to find the three ingredients to fill the goblet. First, it was the sacred water from the fountain of youth; the next was the powder of ground unicorn horns and the last a Poseidon’s … that pointy fork with three arrows, you know what I mean, right? I have crossed valleys, fought dragons, goblins and evil spirits, but at last, I have obtained all three objects, and with the flash of magical energy, the sacred goblet was filled.

The journey back to my demon-possessed son was just as dangerous as it was before. But upon my return, I have found that this evil foe had given my son the dark power of the voice. For his shrieks were piercing my weary soul, shredding my mind. Still, bravely I have ventured forward with the goblet and driven the dark wizard out. But I know he will be back. I had heard the horrible laughter with burp as his presence left my son’s mouth. But I will be here, forever vigilant till the foul being is vanquished and my son safe and happy.

As I lay my weary head upon my pillow, my wife said: “Bloody hell, Frodo was back quicker from Mordor.”

 

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